Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
