a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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