if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
