Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
