I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
