im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
