dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
