The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
im holly from the hills drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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