Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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