So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
