I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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