My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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