I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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