i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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