I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
