I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
