If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
