you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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