Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He shit in the fireplace
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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