i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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