so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
