I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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