I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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