there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
