please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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