I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
