THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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