I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize