Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
