So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
