Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
