and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
