how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize