Pants 0. Shit 1.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
