I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
