you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
