I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
