I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
