The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He has the fingertips of a God
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