Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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