We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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