i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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