It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
