I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
