Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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