why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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