I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
