i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
