I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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