Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
