Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
