How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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