About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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