goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
