Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
