At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
