Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
