Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
