So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
