Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
