Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
