I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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