well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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