I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
