He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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