Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
